Frank the Tank

Where to begin? Saying it has been a long time would be a gross understatement. Plenty has transpired since our last post, both in the world of Pirates baseball and in our personal lives. I found it of little use to post information of the free agent signings this offseason as they were not much of a splash nor an aberration from what we've come to expect from this ballclub. I had a good chuckle over the Bucs taking GI Jones to arbitration over $225K and have little insight on the acquisition of over the hill AJ Burnett.

But I could not ignore the latest PR debacle that has fallen upon the PBC:

Team President Frank Coonelly Arrested for DUI.

Pardon the one sentence paragraph; I swear I'm not trying to ripoff Ron Cook.

Not only was Frank Coonelly arrested for a DUI, his citations also included reckless driving, driving with a revoked or suspended license, and driving the wrong way. This account of activities actually leaves us with more questions than answers. But having ZERO journalistic ability, let alone credentials, unanswered questions is the best I can do right now.

On to the questions. First off, what is the substance behind the "driving with a suspended or revoked license" charge and why was it thrown out? DK's original story on the matter didn't even mention this charge, which I would consider to be an egregious oversight. Even if the charge was dropped, why was it submitted in the first place? Was this not FC's first DUI? Without any further information on the matter, we can only jump to conclusions. For all we know, he may have forgotten to renew his license and it was expired. On the other hand, it;'s possible this wasn't Frank the Tank's first Wrong Way Rodeo on the 279 off ramp.

My next question is another that, will also likely remained unanswered for some time: How the hell did this story go two months without seeing the light of day? I have taken into consideration the fact that the Pirates have secretly extended employees in the past  but I also know that there is thing called police blotter. There a number of local outlets that report every arrest made by PD's in the area, especially DUI's. But this story never made print. Did the Pirates PR department squash it or was the Ross PD lax in their reporting?

In my opinion, those are two questions that need answered in order for the fans and public to understand the scope of events. If this was some Joe Lawyer partner of a local law firm, most people wouldn't give a hoot. If it was Stephen Zappala, I would imagine there would be a public outcry for his resignation. I venture to say the Coonelly's status falls somewhere in the middle. While he is not the DA that we trust to put dangerous criminals behind bars to protect us from them, Coonelly is a highly visible public figure working in an office in a ballpark funded by public money. The success of his employer is highly predicated on public goodwill; not only from the players on the field but also the individuals who decide who those players will be and sign their paychecks.

In all honesty, Frank Coonelly seems like a nice guy. But I don't trust him as far I could throw him and considering I'm all of 5'11'' 185 lbs and he's got a good 3 inches and 20+ pounds on me, that wouldn't be a lengthy toss (although still better than the one  Barry Lamarr Bonds made on the Day the Franchise Died). FC has never built up any amount of goodwill among the fans of our dreaded ballclub due to his asinine proclamations and outright lies. That is how he earned his original nickname on the Mutiny, one we haven't backed down from even though it is slander to  publicly call someone a liar if they hadn't actually lied and a.) the Pirates are not above bullying an outfit like ours and b.) we cannot afford to be sued. Given those facts and circumstances, we still feel safe calling him the Lying Liar but our glossary is certainly going to be adding a new alternative nickname.

Considering those same vital statistics mentioned above, Frank the Tank was not merely driving buzzed. A .16 BAC is not merely a few cocktails or a couple beers over a couple hours. For a guy his size, that's a solid 9-10 drinks, according to this chart: http://www.lcbapps.lcb.state.pa.us/webapp/edu/0.8PercentUPDATE.ASP. He had to be bombed when they pulled him over and he is damn lucky that he did not hurt himself or anybody else.

While the suspended license and the curious delay of the story's release are the two biggest questions right now, I also wonder how DK got this information. I believe DK to be the best sportswriter in Pittsburgh by a long shot, but I do feel that since his transition to the Trib, he has been far too generous to the Pirates. I have yet to read today's column in it's entirety, but it appears that he is a times coming to Coonelly's defense and more or less making excuses for him.  In other instances, he is scathing in his criticism of FC's choices and the team's mishanlding of the situation.

But DK's initial report adds another question to the pile, along with whether FC's job should be safe. This is a question that has existed long before this DUI fiasco: Why does the local media seemingly give the Pirates a free pass?