(NO) Moneyball

Well folks, there is no use sitting here and going over the last week of Pirates baseball. While the season has been unofficially over for about a month or so, it's now turned into  complete I don't care mode. Luckily, the team has adopted the same attitude; they just get paid a hell of a lot more to suck than I do. As an homage to the Nutting Style of baseball, I am going to take the focus off of the current product at hand and discuss a few things that are mildly related.

I have seen the trailers for the upcoming film Moneyball, starring Brad Pitt as Billy Beane, Jonah Hill as 'Peter Brand' (based on former Dodgers GM Paul DePodesta), and Philip Seymour Hoffman as Pittsburgher and fellow Shaler Alumni Art Howe. This trailer made me wonder about a few things. #1.) In Hollywood, where appearance seems to mean everything, why did they cast 2 fat guys to play skinny guys? and #2.) How long until somebody writes a book and/or makes a movie about the Pirates of the last 19 seasons, perhaps entitled "No-Moneyball"?. It could be out there already, but I was too lazy to take 10 seconds to do a Google search.

Normally, sports books and movies go one of four ways. The first is chronicling the success of a particular player or franchise with examples such as the films 'Miracle' or 'Pride of the Yankees'. The second is covering scandals such as the movie ' Eight Men Out' or the novel ' The Pittsburgh Cocaine Seven'. Third is the screwball comedy we've seen with 'Major League' and 'Bull Durham'. Number four is the kids genre with epics like 'The Sandlot', 'Little Big League' and 'Rookie of the Year' among many,many, many, many, many,many others.

In this blogger's opinion, a book and/or movie about the last 2 decades of Pirates baseball could encompass the first three without a doubt. While on the surface it would appear that this team's 19 straight losing records is not a marker of success in any fashion, you have to face the facts at some point and admit just how impressive it is to go that long without a winning season. I mean, you almost have to try to suck that bad. For the scandal part, much has recently been made about the true intentions of the ownership and management group's intentions for this ballclub. Using a tax payer funded venue to churn out profit year after year while taking no personal risk has drawn the ire of many Pirates fan who are sick of losing and the Nutting's miserly ways. Interestingly enough, the same reason the story could be classified under the first category is also the same it would fall under #3, the screwball comedy: 19 straight losing seasons. That's laughable in and of itself.


Had 2011 gone differently for the Bucs, had they sustained that over-their-head pace of play, a novel would probably be in the works as we speak. The true underdog story of a once proud franchise looking to recapture the hearts of it's fans and put itself back on a national stage. Everybody loves those kinds of  underdog stories where the little guy triumphs over it's competition against all odds. Nobody likes a loser, especially not 19 in row. Look at Major League; they sucked for about 10 minutes before they were deadset in a pennant race with the Yankees. Therefore, the story of the Pirates woes heads back into development hell with Duke Nukem Forever and Chinese Democracy.

Wait, those have both been released? Really? Next you're going to tell me that Ghostbusters III is going to be green lit before the Bucs have a winning season............

Maybe it is time to start chronicling the bad years. After all, those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it, right?